When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she’ll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively effect on him. Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. The husband turned to her and said, “Replace the battery in your hearing aid.” The salesman replies, “Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you’re going to crap yourself when I tell you the price.”Īn old married couple are in church one Sunday when the woman turns to her husband and says, “I’ve just let out a really long, silent fart. The lady is now a little more confident that she has got away with here little accident and asks, “How much is this lovely bracelet?”
The salesman stays as cool as a cucumber and shows complete professionalism as he greets the lady by saying, “Good day, Madam. She’s very embarrassed and looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident as she prays that a sales person doesn’t appear right now.īut as she turns around her worst nightmare is realized as she sees a salesman standing right behind her. She browses around for a bit before she spots a gorgeous diamond bracelet which she goes over to inspect.Īs she bends over to look at it more closely, she accidently breaks wind. One day a lady walks into a very high class jewellery shop. “Wait a minute,” the bartender says, “What in the hell did you do that for?” Without missing a beat the drunk replies, “Hey, even Frank Sinatra has to clear his throat before performing!”ĭid you fart….Because you are blowing me away!!! The drunk then drops his pants, gets on all fours and proceeds to shit all over the bar. “You was right all along Missus,” the old man says, “I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push ’em back in!”ĭrunk walks in a bar and says, “I’ll fart the Star Spangle Banner for two beers.” Bartender says, “Go for it!” Drunk climbs on the bar, people gather round. Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs. While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream. “You’ll fart your guts out one of these days,” she always complained.Īfter a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy’s arse.
There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years.Įvery morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife’s annoyance.
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